5 Love Languages

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5 Love Languages

How do I show my wife and kids that I love them?

That is a question that many men have struggled with since the beginning of time.  How do we, as men, show our wives how much they mean to us?  How do we show our children how much we love them?  Is love an action, if so, what action do I need to take.  In the book, The 5 Love Languages, Dr Gary Chapman tries to answer this question.  Chapman noticed that after the wedding had taken place, men and women seemed to be having difficulty making their love last.  Was the wedding and the honeymoon phase the best people had to look forward to?  No.  Chapman talks about how once we get married, if can seem like our spouse is trying to love us in a different language, meaning that while they mean for something to be meaningful, it ends up hurting the relationship.

Difficult Times

After my dad divorced my mom, my sister and I attended his funeral.  During this time, his current wife, along with his family would say things like “he just did not know how to love you and your sister” or “he had a hard time loving other people”.  This is a common problem within the family.  How do I show someone how much I love and care for them?  Chapman, through his studies, figured out that people have “love tanks” which need filled up by their partner, parents, and friends.  This love tank is when someone deposits a form of love that is acceptable.  The problem comes when people are bankrupt and do not “feel” that love.  While we are dating, we have that new feeling of this is something new.  When we get married that new feeling continues.  What happens after that newness has worn off?

5 Ways to Show Love

The book lays out 5 different ways that people feel loved.  These ways include:

  1. Words of Affirmation – Uplifting and encouraging
  2. Quality Time – Spending time together
  3. Receiving Gifts – Receiving Gifts, big or small
  4. Acts of Service – Doing things around the house
  5. Physical Touch – Being close, cuddling, holding hands.  This does not have to be sexual

In the weeks to come, we’ll be going through Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch so that we can learn exactly how we can love our children and spouses better.  There should never be someone who says to their spouse or child, I do not know how to show you how much I love you.  By completely one of these five acts, you will show them that they are valuable, loved and cherished.


Challenge Question:  What is your spouses love language?  What are your children’s love language?  How do you use this knowledge so that your spouse and kids know that you love them?


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