Matt.Woodrum@wwfatherhood.com

Mistake #3 – Guilt Trips

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Mistake #3 – Guilt Trips

Guilt trips

A guilt trip is a feeling of guilt or responsibility, especially an unjustified one induced by someone else. Creating a guilt trip in another person may be considered to be psychological manipulation in the form of punishment for a perceived transgression. Guilt trips are also considered to be a form of passive aggression.

In all reality, guilt trips are more like power trips, that is that guilt trips are a way of making your children do whatever it is that you want.  As parents, we are direct and love our children, showing them that while the world is a tough place to live, we know that they can make it through. When we place guilt on our children’s shoulders, we weigh them down.

Growing up, one of the worse feelings that I can remember is when my teachers or parents would make comments about why I did not do as good of a job as my younger sister.  Do not get me wrong, my sister is very smart and an amazing woman, however, there would be times that I did not receive the same type of grades that she did.  One of the other examples I saw is when my sister repeated some of the same mistakes that I did.  I had a number of people tell me that she made those mistakes because she was following my lead.  These are guilt trips because the point of adults blaming me was to make me feel guiltily for my mistakes.  This guilt trip was telling me that if I did not shape up, I would be responsible for my sister’s mistakes.  This weight was difficult to handle growing up.

As a matter of fact, “According to the American Humane Association, “the hidden scars of this type of abuse (guilt trips)…[include] insecurity, poor self-esteem, destructive behavior, angry acts (such as fire setting and animal cruelty), withdrawal, poor development of basic skills, alcohol or drug abuse, suicide, difficulty forming relationships and unstable job histories.”

Instead

Instead of providing guilt trips for your children, follow some simple steps in order up your children so that can be the best possible person that they can be.

The first thing, as parents, you must do is understand that each of your children are uniquely different.  This means that all of your children are special and have special gifts.

Second, as parents, we need to remember not to bring up the past but treat each thing on their own.  Bring up past mistakes weighs your children down to the point where they will just want to give up.

Third, The goal here to help your children move forward instead of holding them back.  Bringing up the past will show your children that their past (the bad) is what you remember.

As parents

As parents, we have an awesome responsiblity to our children.  The realize the each child is special and different.  Guilting our children into a certain behavior hurts them, their relationships and their relationship with us, their parents

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