Matt.Woodrum@wwfatherhood.com

Love Language #2 – Quality Time

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Love Language #2 – Quality Time

Quality Time

The second love language that Gary Chapman talks about in his book, The 5 Love Languages, is quality time.  This is a love language were the husband or wife prefers to spend time with their spouse rather than just hearing the words, I Love You.  While these words are still important, it is even more important to share you time with them.  With someone who has this love language, they want to feel loved by the investment of time that you share with them.  When we talk about different love languages, we are talking about taking the time to invest in your spouse, using more than “easy words”.  One of the most important parts of quality time is the idea of togetherness.  This idea of togetherness is important because of the different things we fill our schedule with.  Spending time with your spouse tells them that you love them, and they are more important than work, school, the kids, or anything else that may come up.

Secondary Love Language

Quality Time is my secondary love language, meaning that quality time with my spouse is very important to me.  When I sit down, I enjoy having my wife with me and spending time with her.  As someone who works a full-time job, has extra responsibilities at work, has two children (with a third on the way), and someone who is a wife, my wife Jocelyn is extremely busy.  This current schedule makes things difficult for her to drop everything, to focus all her attention on me.  As someone who views quality time as important, sometimes it is easy to feel distance from her.  However, one of the things that make my wife awesome is that we figure out different times to spend time together.  Even though she tells me daily how much she loves me, when we spend this quality time together, I get to feel it.  This makes it so special to me.

Here are four ways to spend real, full-on, meaningful quality time with your spouse

  1. Maintain eye contact when your spouse is talking. This tells your spouse that nothing around is more important than your spouse.  This gives your spouse/children that they are needed and loved.
  2. Don’t listen to your spouse and do something else at the same time (especially men AKA non-foreordained multi-taskers!) Just like the above, doing something while your listening to your spouse tells them the thing your working on is just as important as whatever your spouse is telling you.  This is something that I am personality horrible at.  I feel like I have so many things that I need to do and to get done, which gives my wife and children the wrong message.
  3. Listen for feelings. Ask yourself, “What emotion is my spouse experiencing?” One of things that we (men) are horrible at, is understanding the feelings of our spouse.  We see that there is something is wrong and want to fix the problem within seconds.  Instead, we need to ask ourselves how the situation would make us feel.  Our wives do not want the solution, instead they want our attention, or care, and our love.
  4. Refuse to interrupt. Such interruptions show, “I don’t care what you’re saying. Listen to me instead.” A lot of times, it is easy to interrupt with the solution instead of showing how much we really care.  As men, we need to listen to our spouse and children and invite them to talk things out.  We need to be their support instead of their magic 8 ball, just giving them the answers to the test of life.

Ways to Show

If your spouses Love Language is quality time, there are some important way to show them how much you love and cherish them.

  • Set date nights and stick to them. While spending time and date nights with them, put away your cell phone and have a conversation.
  • Show an interest in your spouse’s/children’s hobbies. This tells them that no matter what is going on in your life, their interests are important to you.
  • Get to know each other better. You can play 20 questions, look for questions on the internet, or experience something new together.
  • Create something. Include her in those DIY projects or create a bucket list of things you would love to do together.  Enjoy each other’s company.
  • Travel together. Take drives.  Experience different things.  Spice things up a bit.

When it comes down to it, people whose love language is quality time want to know that you love them more than whatever your busy schedule tells you that you should be doing.  If you have a spouse whose love language is quality time than find special ways to spend time with them.  Show them that you love them.  Show them that they mean the world to you.

 

Challenge Question – What are some ways that you can spend quality time with your spouse?  What does this do for your spouse when you spend quality time together?

 

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