Matt.Woodrum@wwfatherhood.com

The 5 Love Languages – Acts of Service

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The 5 Love Languages – Acts of Service

The 5 Love Languages – Acts of Service

            Saying that words, “I love you” just is not enough in most relationship.  Most people have different ways of understanding love then just hearing “empty” words.  So how do people show their love to other people?  One of these ways is called Acts of Service.  Google’s dictionary defines service as “the action of helping or doing work for someone” which means that when we are doing acts of service, we are doing more than one act of service for our loved one.  When we do things around the house and service our spouse, they feel loved.  Instead of hearing about how much you love them, they want to be shown. 

Acts of Service mean the world

            My wife’s love language is Acts of Service.  For her, it means a lot more to her when I do the laundry then when I buy her flowers or jewelry.  A perfect example of Acts of Service is within these last two weeks, I have been trying to do more dishes and laundry.  The reason, I know she cannot do much because of the new baby.  As I’m doing more around the house, she tells me how awesome it fells to have a husband that loves and understands her.  Instead of just telling her that I love her and that she means the world to me, I show her.  In their minds, anyone can say “I love you” and not mean it but it takes someone special to put energy and focus into serving them. 

What are acts of service?

            Some of the best Acts of Service include small things that help your partner or children out.  Small things like picking up the living shows your spouse that you value her time.  Another major thing that we can do for our spouse is cook dinner and clear up after the kids.  These small things can make a difference to someone whose love language is acts of service. This is seen as serving your loved ones.  Showing them that they mean the world. 

Some things to keep in mind

  • Acts of Service means different things to different people so don’t be afraid to ask. This is important because if your washing the dishes for your wife and that’s the one thing that she enjoys doing, that just means that you’re not listening to her.  So, ask away!!
  • Talk to your spouse about the best ways to send them acts of service. Sometimes doing something wrong hurts what your trying to do.  If she likes the lights and the darks separated and you decide to throw everything together, then your act of service will end up causing stress more than helping her out.  Figure out the best way to serve your spouse so that she knows your love.
  • For someone whose love language is Acts of service, the small things matter. When someone shows love by doing acts of service, big or small, it shows your spouse and your children that they matter to you.  This is the “actions speak louder than words” love language.  “If you’re with a partner who has the acts of service love language, the key thing to remember is to place an emphasis on showing your love, rather than telling them you love them,” Demetrius Figueroa, founder of the dating blog and podcast A Mighty Love, tells Bustle. “We all like to hear that our partner loves us, but if your partner speaks the act of service love language, actions will speak louder than words.”
  • Within this love language, talk is cheap. Showing love means more than just saying the words, “I love you”.  As stated before, people who have this love language do not JUST want to hear the words, I love you.  Instead, they want to see the love from their parent, child, or spouse. 
  • Even though you are proffering acts of service, understand that you are not their slave or servant. No one has the right to walk all over you.  Marriage and relationships should NEVER be 100% from only one party.  This is unhealthy and can weigh someone down.  Instead, these relationships should always be 100% from all the parties involved.  Acts of service is not where someone caters to their partner’s every need.  Marriage and relationships should always be 100% from each side.
  • Ask your partner for feedback on what your doing well and what needs improvement. Take time to ask your partner how your doing on fulfilling their love language.
  • One of the most important things to remember is that most people have primary and a secondary language. This means that most people speak more then just one love language.  This is important to keep in mind because most people feel love using multiple love languages.  So while your spouses love language is Acts of service, they might also need to hear words of affirmation. 

actions speak louder than words

  1. Loading and unloading the dishwasher.
  2. Changing the cat’s littler box
  3. Vacuuming
  4. Paying the bills
  5. Helping with Chores
  6. Allow them to pick the movie
  7. Make them lunch
  8. Make them dinner
  9. Walk the dog
  10. Surprise them with a treat or snack
  11. Make them a special dessert
  12. Draw them a bubble bath
  13. Run some errands for them
  14. Hold open the door
  15. Drop them off before you park the car
  16. Laundry
  17. Treat them to a night in a hotel
  18. Bake them cupcakes
  19. Offer to take care of the kids

Acts of Service

      Acts of Service is the love language where actions speak louder than words.  Most people who have this love language want to see the love in action.  This action screams the words “I love you” and shows your spouse how much you truly care which means that world to that person.  If you know someone with the love language of acts of service, this gives you a great opportunity to show them how special they are to you.  The worse thing you can do is talk about how much you love them.  This shows this person that you want to take the easy, simple way of love without fully investing in them.  Take the time to show them show them your love.

Challenge question:  When was the last time you showed your spouse how much you loved them instead of just telling them?  When was the last time that you tried to tell or show your spouse love, and it did not work out in your favor?

 

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