Love Language #1 – Words of Affirmation

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Love Language #1 – Words of Affirmation

Love Language #1 – Words of Affirmation

The first love language in, The 5 Love Languages, is Words of Affirmation. Affirmation, according to the dictionary[1] means:

  1. The act of affirming or the state of being affirmed; assertion.
  2. Something declared to be true; a positive statement or judgment.
  3. A statement intended to provide encouragement, emotional support, or motivation, especially when used for the purpose of autosuggest.

What are words of affirmation?

When we say words of affirmation, they are encouraging, uplifting words that are meant to build someone up.  This language is important because some people need to hear kind, encouraging words that can tell them how much you love them.  For people with this love language, saying I love you is not enough.  They want to feel loved, to understand that they are special to their parents, spouse, and children.  When you speak words of affirmation to someone who has that love language, you tell them that they mean the world to you.  It is a way for you to share how much you love them.  For someone who has the love language of affirmation, just saying the words, I love you, do not mean a lot.  They want to know why.  How are they special?


My own personal love language is words of affirmation.  I feel encouraged when she tells me that I do things well.  When my wife, friends or kids tell me that they love how I cooked supper, or that I did great on a test, or that I am a great dad; that tells me that they love me and why they love me.  For myself and other people who have this love language, we want to know more just who loves us, but instead, we want to know what we are doing well.  We want to be encouraged.  We want to see the different things that we are doing well.

Next time you want to share with a loved one how much they mean to you and that you love them, first find out what their love language is.  If it is words of affirmation, then you’re in luck!!  Some great ways of using this love language include:

  • I love being addicted to you.
  • You did a difficult job really well.
  • I look forward to waking up with you every day for the rest of my life.
  • I love being in love with you.
  • Thank you for looking after me.
  • Thank you for always being there for me.
  • I love the unique way you giggle.
  • I can’t get enough of you.
  • I don’t know what I’d do without you.

So what??

The one thing that you will notice within the above example is that it is encouraging, kind words that are directed towards the person.  This tells them that they mean the world to you.  So, at this point you might be wondering how to use some of these words of affirmation.

  1. Point out the things that your loved one does well, they want to hear it.
  2. Pay close attention to the words you use because all the words you use hold powerful meaning
  3. Do not just tell them that you love them but instead tell them why you love them
  4. If they do something around the house, let them know that you noticed
  5. Always be honest in your words of affirmation.

Words of affirmation are one of the five basic love languages. Within that language, however, there are many dialects. All of the dialects have in common the use of words to affirm one’s spouse. Psychologist William James said that possibly the deepest human need is the need to feel appreciated. Words of affirmation will meet that need in many individuals.

The book recommends some important ways of showing your spouse how much you love them if their love language:

  1. Place an index card on your mirror or a place that you will see it daily that says: Words are important!  Words are important!  Words are important!
  2. Write a love letter, a love paragraph, or a love sentence to your spouse – Words are important!!
  3. Compliment your spouse in front of friends, family, guests, and your own kids.  This makes your spouse feel important.  They will feel like they are on top of the world.

Thought questions:  When is the last time connected with your spouse with words of affirmation?

[1] American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fifth Edition. S.v. “affirmation.” Retrieved April 16 2018 from


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